audio, video, disco?

You made me realise.

2012-02-04T15:13:00.003-05:00

Confession #1:

I miss music.
I'm sad to say that I've been cheating on it with my bf for a couple years.
But music and I have a renewed relationship,
and so do I and audio, video, disco.

This is a commitment I'm making to myself,
just for kicks. Mostly as an experiment.

I'm going to try and update daily, but more importantly,
I'm going to post photos and a weekly album review.

I just want to be obsessed with music again. HMV sucked the soul out of me,
but it's time to reconnect. So Here's my first post.

I've been reading Rob Sheffield's book, Talking to Girls About Duran Duran. It made me think seriously about how much I connect songs, or even whole albums to specific memories, specific periods of my life. I don't know if this happens to everyone, but it seems as I've made these soundtracks to my life. The progression of my musical tastes, reflections on what I was dealing with. Where I was at a particular stage of my life. I know this is nothing profound. But, see, I've never really talked to anyone about this, so I don't know how you all feel. Haha, you all.. Nobody reads this, but if people did, I think the question would generate a response.

But anyways, as I said, my relationship with music just isn't the same. I don't know if it's growing up, getting lazy, how after 5 years with a soul-sucking company, I just got tired. They tore what I loved from me! That awful place. But you know what, I've finally moved on. Now I'm pretty much unemployed, I'm about to move on from my retail career to better things, and I'm at a real crossroads in my life. I'm excited to move on from the student life and do something rewarding. Something that I love, even when it's boring, it's still fun.

And now I just really want to combine the things that I love. I recently designed an album cover/website for my friends' band. I also am starting a series of illustrations of my favourite albums - like, illustrated track lists. It's kind of cool. I'm also designing a DPS editorial layout for my class. I chose to do it for SPIN magazine, I'm pretty excited for it, I think it'll be a lot of fun. I'll post a link to my portfolio page when it's finished.

I forgot how much I loved music - it was actually what my entire life revolved around. It monopolized my time. I don't know what happened between then and now that changed, but I want to be that in love with it again.

Confession #2

Was listening to Sleater-Kinney's, Call the Doctor and called it loud.

I felt old.

Put on My Bloody Valentine to remind myself I like loud music.

Remembered how long ago I saw My Bloody Valentine play.

I felt old.

Sigh.

But this is amazing.

I don't know.

2011-11-27T09:57:00.003-05:00

I don't write much anymore.

In fact, I don't do much of anything except,
go to school, design, and go to work.

I haven't taken a photograph in awhile.
Maybe I will go out now.
It's early enough on a Sunday that no one can look at me like I'm taking up space.

I want to go on an adventure.

I can't wait until March 2, 2012.

School - be over. Now.

audio, video, disco

2011-09-11T16:23:00.003-04:00

I have just been informed that Justice has a song titled,
"audio, video, disco".

I feel that because of the correlation, it should be posted on here.

BUT, just to be clear, I had the name first boys.

The Ladies Rock Mitzi's Poster

2011-09-07T23:12:00.001-04:00

Made this poster for my friend Leandra. She's a promoter/artist manager in Toronto.

I used the image of "Rosie the Riveter", and then a kind of "old-school" tattoo feel (the banner, etc.).

I drew all the lines with my Wacom tablet, and then printed off a copy on bleed-proof marker paper, and added the colour with Copic markers.

update.

2011-05-29T18:25:00.005-04:00

finished school. got a job selling art supplies to toronto. looking for an apartment.

moving on. growing up.

so why do i still feel so restless?

lurked him, then stopped, because i'm in love, and remembered i don't give a shit.

today i rode in a car that cost $100 000.

life is weird.

p.s. heard new death cab today. i enjoyed it. codes and keys, check it out for old times sake. though nothing will ever come close to transatlanticism.

Mother's Day Inspired

2011-05-09T03:06:00.003-04:00

So I wanted to make something for my mom for Mother's Day.

I dug through old family photographs, using them as a reference made some pretty nice drawings for her I think.

For both of the drawings I used a Wacom tablet and drew on the computer, printed the image onto bleedproof marker paper, and did the colouring with Copic markers.

I call this one, "Little Photographer". I was shooting by the age of three, even if it was with bubbles and Mickey Mouse instead of 35 mm.

I call this one, "Memories: Mommy and Me". The original photograph was taken on Mother's Day in 1991. I think I went a little overboard with the shading on my mom's face, but I really like the drawing otherwise.

PARALLAX & Sleepyhead: 100 Days Between the Sheets

2011-05-09T03:04:00.001-04:00

So I was part of an installation show that was held last weekend (April 29 - May 1).
It was called PARALLAX. It was a collection of works done by classmates and myself.
It was held at the University of Toronto's chapter of the Phi Kappa Pi Fraternity, at 85 Bedford Road in Toronto.

My project was called, "Sleepyhead: 100 Days Between the Sheets". It explored the concept of home, by examining my sleeping patterns as they were affected by the environment in which I slept, and the relationships that I have to those places. Basically, over the course of 100 days, I photographed myself each morning as I woke up. I struggled with how I would turn the project into an installation, but settled on creating a "fort-like" sleeping environment where the viewer is able to interact with hanging strands of photographs. The photographs hang above the viewer like a mobile, which when juxtaposed with the imagery in the photographs references the transition from childhood and adulthood.

Overall I was really happy with the way that the project turned out. The show went fairly well too, there were some really great pieces. I liked working with installation. It was frustrating at first, but once I got into the project, I really started to enjoy it. (And I got an A in the class, yay!)

Here are a couple of images of my piece; 1 from before the show, just after I installed the piece, and 1 during the opening reception.

Click here to see a couple more pictures, or check out my other work.

home-made business cards

2011-04-27T11:20:00.005-04:00

I made business cards so I can be all fancy and such
at the installation show that I am a part of on Friday.

Pedro came up with the first draft design of the girl and the camera,
and then I scanned, edited, and added to/improved the image with my
tablet in Photoshop.

I used a "Matchbook" font that I found online for the type.

I printed on frosted mylar paper, and then attached the mylar with
glue to pieces of scrapbooking paper with assorted prints.

Sorry the image is so small. I need to change this stupid blog layout.
it doesn't let me post images. It's ridiculous. But if you click here or on the cards, you can view a larger image on flickr.

They look so cute! I'm really happy with them.
My only complaint is the glue streaks that appear on some of them.
I couldn't think of what else to use as an adhesive with the mylar..
Rubber cement perhaps?

Anyways, I made about 50 cards for under $9.00.
Yay!

dazed and confused

2011-04-26T17:16:00.001-04:00

Things are a little crazy right now.

I'm part of an installation show on Friday, and surprise, surprise - I am not quite prepared.

I bought a Lomography Diana 38mm lens and an adapter so that it works with my DSLR (Canon 60D). I know it's kind of cheesy, but I love the dreamy, ethereal effect that it has, and the beautiful soft focus. I don't know, it mimics the haze that has become so familiar to me. Also, I think it really adds to the idea of memory, as memory is tangible, and continues to morph and change with the passage of time.

I don't know. Here's an image I took yesterday after I bought the lens.

Nothing too special, but I was just playing around.

GAMMAGE!

2011-04-21T23:38:00.005-04:00

I know it's not photography but, I'm getting pretty into this.

I made this poster for my friend's band, GAMMAGE. They are an all-girl punk/rock/ska band. I'm excited for their show Saturday May 21, at LOLA. Come and check them out.

I used Copic markers, scanned, and then edited the image in Photoshop. The girl is inspired by a Vargas pin-up, and the sign comes from an admiration for the pop culture imagery from the 1950's, and a kind of retro, diner aesthetic.

vic ruggiero, live at sneaky dee's, oct. 15, 2010

2011-04-05T13:02:00.003-04:00

I took some photos when I saw Vic Ruggiero at Sneaky Dee's in October.

I just found the photos recently.. ahha.. I'm a little behind.

Here's one, but click this link for the set.

the scenic route show

2011-04-05T12:21:00.004-04:00

I made a poster for my friends' show.

I drew it, and then used Copic markers for the colour.
And then I scanned my drawing, and touched it up in Photoshop.

The image was from a photograph of Erykah Badu.

If you get a chance, you should come check it out!

BMO 1st Art

2011-04-01T18:20:00.002-04:00

I was one of the three nominees from York's photo program to be submitted to this.

Pretty cool if I could actually get in!

click!

i won't stand still.

2011-04-01T18:03:00.003-04:00

i won't stand still explores the concepts of body image and sexuality.

The original idea stemmed from being taught to view the body, or more specifically, my own body, as shameful. This project was an attempt for me to break down those constructs. Having this distorted view of the body weighs heavily on me, and so I wanted to make a series of images that recognizes that frustration.

Nietzsche’s, Death of God, writings which discuss creating a post-theological framework of our own construction, heavily influenced this project.

Further, I was interested in investigating the liminal body, and expressing feelings of agitation towards being stuck in a transitional state. I also wanted to address feelings of anxiety over displacement, and feeling as though one does not quite fit in.

Aesthetically, i won't stand still was inspired by Andre Kertesz, and his Surrealist photographs of female nudes from the 1930’s. Also, Francesca Woodman’s, House series, was a point of reference.

i won't stand still is an experiment. I wanted to push myself and experiment with different lighting, photographic techniques, and in-camera manipulation. This resulted 6 eerie, 13”x19” inkjet prints, that when installed together ask us to reconsider the body, and allow me to ask the question, “What the hell am I doing here?”

Here are a couple of images from the series.

film still, from i won't stand still, 2011.

life through a lens, from i won't stand still, 2011.

Or, click here to see the whole series.

casa dei ricordi (house of memories), 2010

2011-03-16T15:40:00.010-04:00

La Casa dei Ricordi, or The House of Memories, is an investigation of a domestic space that is prominent in my memories – my grandparent’s home.

Seeing as the themes of memory and nostalgia run through my body of work, I wanted to explore the space in which the first memory I have occurred.

My grandparents’ home is rich with culture, and through this project I was able to further examine the relationship that I have with my Canadian-Italian heritage.

The project consists of 10, 16” x 20” colour photographs with 2” borders. The images adopt a 1970’s aesthetic, similar to other works that I have created, as that is largely the décor of the home.

Referencing the early photographic works of Sara Angelucci, and Uta Barth’s bizarre explorations of domestic spaces, La Casa dei Ricordi, is an attempt to preserve the memories of my family through the medium of photography.

This project will be part of a larger series, simply titled, Ricordi.

Here's a little sample.

Or click here for the full series.

"you can't hide your love forever,"

2010-11-19T23:56:00.005-05:00

I just fell in love.

With Orange Juice.

Wow.

time.

2010-05-21T13:47:00.003-04:00

I'm fascinated with time.
The passing of time, revisiting times past,
exploring the way that things have changed from one period of time,
to the current state of things, and how the past constructs our view of the present.

I am interested in the fleeting, the ephemeral, the whisper.

In time's ability to transcend.

I need to make more work relating to time.

site specific art.

2010-05-10T16:07:00.006-04:00

I keep saying I want to create,
and I DO, more than anything;
but I feel so uninspired.

Actually, on another note,
something that I am becoming more interested in,
is site specific art.

I saw Banksy's film, "Exit Through the Gift Shop",
the other day. I thought it was realy good; very smart.
I mean cinematically, it's very lo-fi, and the shots aren't all amazing,
however, I think it makes a very honest (if not completely hilarious) comment on the state of the art world.

I still can't believe that Mr. Brainwash is a real artist,
and not some elaborate hoax created specifically for the film. Some of that work, just, wow, I don't even know what to say. I'm no professional, but c'mon, it was all just, art for art sake. And honestly, it wasn't even cool. Haha, like if he had revolutionized a style, well then yeah, I'm all for it. But it's certainly not anything special.

But back to what I was saying.
My interest in site specific art stems from
a different place, and though the film certainly sparked my interest again,
I'm no street artist; I don't intend to scale buildings, or plaster my images all over the city (though more power to those who do, and y'know, are good at it).
However I've been interested in the ephemeral for some time,
and I'd really love to do an installation piece,
perhaps involving photo? Maybe paint/stencil. Or you never know,
maybe I can include both. We shall see.

I just wish I could think of something interesting..

she crossed the sea.

2010-05-05T16:29:00.004-04:00

I absolutely love Sara Angelucci's work.

Her work often focuses on displacement,
and I feel like I really identify with that feeling.

Also, in terms of aesthetics,
I am fascinated with old photogrpahs,
and her work seems to explore the medium in a way that
pays homage to the days of yore.
As well, she often incorporates vintage family photographs
into her projects - something that I am also interested in
(for example, my Memories of My Mother's series.

Haha, I wouldn't dare to compare myself to her,
but I do identify with her body of work,
and find her incredibly influential.

Check out her web-site.
Some of her projects that I really enjoy are,
The Perfect Past, Timescapes, and She Crossed the Sea,
though I find them all interesting.

Check out her site.

Sara Angelucci.

i want to live in photographs.

2010-04-28T14:43:00.002-04:00

I still wish that I was 18 in 1978.
I love the colours in this video.

The Girls, "Lust For Life"

It makes me think of my mom's photographs.
I'm still trying to figure out how to get my photos to look like that,
without using Photoshop.
Some more research is clearly required.

rude boiz

2010-04-27T15:36:00.003-04:00

Question: Why have I not listened to The Specials?

SERIOUSLY?

How did it take me 21 years to discover this band?
And WHY on EARTH did no one tell me to listen to them sooner?

I'm in love.

Hah, I was hanging out with Nat last night,
anyone remember your scene sucks?

Hilrious. Check it out if you haven't before.

seeing double.

2010-04-25T17:45:00.002-04:00

I'm fascinated by twins.
Especially identical twins.

I'm not a twin.
Perhaps that's why it perplexes me.

It's just crazy -
there is someone who is EXACTLY the same,
and yet can be COMPLETELY different.

It's just interesting.

Twinning, doubles, multiples,
it's all pretty amazing.

My friend has an identical twin,
my uncle has a twin - though they never had that test done
to see if they are actually identical.
I used to be friends with triplets.
My cousin is about to have triplets.

I've always wanted that bond -
that ESP.
Sometimes I think I have it.

Sometimes I think I've found my "soul mate".

I would like to make a project about it.
I just need to figure out a way to express the thoughts visually.
Still haven't come up with anything yet.
It's still a fledgling.

closer.

2010-04-24T21:59:00.002-04:00

I keep dwelling on the past.
Usually I enjoy it,
but lately it's driving me crazy.

I keep thinking about the future.
Usually it's fun,
but right now it's depressing.

I'm scared;
so I just keep running.

The New Bloor

2010-04-15T14:39:00.004-04:00

Chloe Norman and I got a table at The New Bloor Festival in the Art Court. The festival is on Bloor Street, between Lansdowne and Christie, I believe. It's an arts festival promoting the area, and artists in Toronto. You should definitely come and check it out. It's Saturday July 24th, 2010.

Click here, to check out my friend, and classmate,
Chloe Norman's site -> Chloe Norman Photography.

Click here, for a link to The New Bloor Festival ->
The New Bloor Festival

And on a completely unrelated note,
I love the colours blue and orange together
(complementary colours! yay for learning something in school..).
Especially like, this muted apricot/orange that I'm seeing everywhere,
with pale blue/almost denim.
It's a great combo.

Yes? No? Maybe?
Whatever, I'm gonna keep rocking it.
It makes me feel like it's summer.

digital painting.

2010-04-11T21:49:00.003-04:00

So I had absolutely nothing to do today,
and so I spent some time with myself (literally).

I drew a self portrait in Photoshop.
Mostly because I was bored..
and wanted to play around with my tablet.

It was pretty fun, and it looks kind of cool,
I think.

I re-drew the sketch that I posted earlier,
and added textiles for most of the backgrounds.

I don't know. I kind of like it, haha.

So I guess you can check it out.

Excuse the bad images quality, but I could only post a jpeg.

tablet time.

2010-04-11T10:49:00.007-04:00

Been up since too early.

But I made this sketch with my tablet.

Aha, it was from a photo of me taken at the Chris Murray show,
at the Smiling Buddha, in October 2009.

Can't really tell though.

Memories of my Mother's.

2010-04-07T22:22:00.003-04:00

So here is the first project that I am posting in a long time.
And originally, that is what this blog was for-
so, here's to getting my act together.

And so I give you my latest project, you can *click here* to see the whole series on my flickr account.

But for now, I'll just post a few images.

Original Image 1, in my series, "Memories of my Mother's".

A photograph from 1978, of my mother and her childhood friend/college room-mate.

She's 18/19 here.

A recreation/interpretation of my mother's original photograph.

My first image in the series, "Memories of my Mother's".

The image features my university room-mate, and good friend Samantha Harber, and myself in the parking lot behind our townhouse complex.

Original Image 3, in my series, "Memories of my Mother's".

A photograph from 1981, of my aunt at/before my parent's engagement party. She is sitting in my grandparents' living room.

My mother is taking the photograph. My mother was 22. I believe my aunt is 18.

Image 3, in my series, "Memories my Mother's".

Again, I had my mother's help with the shooting of this photograph, as I thought it was fitting - her having taken the original. It was taken in my grandparents' home, in their living room. It's interesting how the decor of my grandparents' home hasn't changed much over 30 years.

I chose to include my aunt in this project, because she is someone whom I admire for having been different. She broke the mold of her immigrant family, but most of all, she took risks - and I am lucky to know such a wonderful woman.

So yes, there are a couple images from my series, and if you feel compelled, you should check out the rest on my flickr account.

photographs.

2010-04-07T14:25:00.006-04:00

So Brienne posted this cool site up the other day,
it's called yay!everday.
It's got a bunch of artwork collected in one place,
and it links you to their blogs and other artwork by them.
It's cool, I've been checking it out daily for the past week or so.

yay!everday link!

Also, from, yay!everday, I found this photographer,
named Julian Goldstein. He has a photo blog, called,
I Shot NY. It's really cool. You should check it out.
I used to be really into The Sartorialist, and FaceHunter,
because of the "street fashion" aspect. But fuck fashion,
I'm mostly interested in street photography.
It reminds me of when I first got into photo,
and I had an obsession with French photographer,
Robert Doisneau.

Also, I found it interesting, that though while embracing digital
technology, through the means of blogging, etc., Goldstein still
chooses to shoot on 35mm. I admire his choice, especially considering
the volume of images on the site. It makes me happy to know that there
are other young photographers who are interested in keeping the history
of photography alive - despite its minor inconveniences.

Anyways, check it out here,
I Shot NY link!

I want to post my new photo project.
Basically, I spent an afternoon looking through my mom's
old photo albums, and I selected images that resonated with me.
I then proceeded to recreate the images, or my interpretations of the images.
I shot them with 35mm colour film, scanned the negatives, and then edited
them in Adobe Photoshop. I'm waiting on the prints from Toronto Image Works,
because I don't have access to the digital lab at school.
I really hope the prints turn out.

But anyways, I wanted to post my mother's original photos,
alongside my photographs, and I don't have scans of them.
However, I will post one of my images.

The life and times of Alexandra K. P.

2010-04-04T01:29:00.002-04:00

So if you're reading this,
you obviously have some kind of interest in my life,
or something like it, so I shall update you on the going ons,
that are.. going.. on.

1) I've been sick for weeks.

2) This sickness has affected my school-work.
i.e. classes have been skipped, many classes, and assignments that should have been done, are still in early processes.

3) This sickness was likely caused by the fact that I've been attempting (unsuccessfully) to quit smoking. BUT I have cut back. And I AM TRYING to quit. Ugh, I don't even enjoy my smokes anymore - it's like all I can taste is guilt.

4) Pedro and I are starting a web comic. It's likely going to be centered on pop-culture, with characters critiquing things that we usually talk about. Witty banter and the like. I'm excited for collaboration, it's something I would like to dabble with more and more.

5) I'm going to Portugal in June, with Pedro. I get to meet his family. I'm actually really excited. Is that lame? I don't know, I just love him so much, and I'd love to meet the people whom he loves too, y'know? Plus, it's Europe, and hell yes, it'll be awesome.

6) In order to afford to go to Portugal, I have to work for my dad for a month and a half at the beginning of the summer. Which means I have to move home for May and half of June at least. NOT looking forward to it, because, well, Oakville sucks. But, I don't know, I guess maybe it'll be good to get away? Nah, it's going to suck, but at least the end result will be good.

7) That project that was still in the early stages: My last photo project. I'm photographing myself in my mother's memories. I'm trying to shape a portrait of my mother, for myself, so that I am able to better understand her. I'm formulating an existence for her, through my interpretation of her memories, so that I can see her as she is as "a person", and not just as my mother. It's kind of an interesting idea to me, and it's been an interesting process. However, so many things have gone wrong.. I'll post some images when I have the film processed.

OH, I finally got Photoshop and Illustrator. I was playing around with my tablet for ages earlier today.

Anyways, this is me,
signing off.

whip it.

2010-02-15T23:07:00.002-05:00

I've been trying to figure out why it is
that I identify with the underdog, the weird;
why when I see someone who's not "in the norm",
who's part of a minority,
I suddenly feel a sense of comradeship.

And so I listen to music by strange musicians,
I watch movies starring weird actors,
with quirky plots, about weird characters.

And people who aren't "weird" start to like the same shit.

And so we spread this weird ass shit everywhere,
and it just becomes even more awesome.

And then I remember that I'm still weird and crazy,
and that's alright by me.

I don't know, I'm taking a class dealing with the concept of identity,
and how it affects one's artistic practice.
And I've really discovered, that I identify as "othered".

There's a lot of reasons why, that I don't need to post at the moment.
But it's true, I really do.

And I don't know, I know it's really lame,
but I was watching the movie Whip It,
and I don't know, maybe it's just a girl power thing,
or because all those women are pretty bad ass in real life anyways,
but man, it's so fucking cool to be weird, and crazy, and sexy,
and just do something that you really love.

I've been thinking more and more about doing a project about belonging.
Maybe relating it to the idea of home.
I don't know, I think it could be good.
I just want to giv'er, and y'know,
see what comes out of it.

growing.

2010-02-14T00:06:00.002-05:00

My photography prof. nominated me to take a summer course at Yale.

Like, I don't even know what to say..
I might go to Yale..
Hahah, how funny would that be.
My sister's the brain, and I end up at Yale for a summer.

But anyways, it would be a fantastic experience.

I definitely have to like,
kill myself working on a portfolio though.

I know I've said it before,
but I will say it again -
I really want to start taking myself more seriously as an artist.
I also want to make use of my resources while they are still available to me.

The colour darkroom is closing next year,
and so I really want to get in there as much as possible before the end of the semester.
God, I just love it so much.

I was thinking about it the other day,
and there are 3 things that make me reeaalll happy,
and printing in the dark room is one of them.
Photography is becoming so much more than a pass time.
It's a means in which to express myself,
and I've begun to use it as a tool in which to uncover my identity.
It's becoming very therapeutic.

I don't know, I'm starting to feel like the things that I make can mean something.
If not to anyone else, than at least to me.

I need to pull out my digital camera and throw some of my work up here.
Or rather, get into the lab and scan my negatives.

sweet sixteen.

2010-01-30T14:26:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I really miss high school.

Not the school part, but the people I knew,
and the things that we did.

Maybe it was lame,
but you know what, it was a lot of fun.

And I didn't need to alter the state of anything,
it was just flat out, a good time.

And I miss Brie and Nat more than anything.
I miss having friendships like that,
because I don't really have those anymore.

I mean, I have plenty of friends,
but it's just not the same.

The connections aren't the same.

I miss it.

cast no shadow.

2010-01-18T08:04:00.003-05:00

I just downloaded a Noel Gallagher and Gem,
live in Toronto in November 2006.

It reminds me of working at HMV in Oakville,
and all the wonderful music I got to hear.

Noel is fucking brilliant.

so fresh, so clean.

2010-01-03T14:40:00.002-05:00

I want to start posting a photograph a day.

I think it could be a good exercise.

This is just the beginning,
it's a fresh start.

It's clean.

I'm clean.

johnson.

2010-01-03T14:20:00.002-05:00

My friend from work has a blog,
and I didn't know.

If you know Michael Johnson,
then you'd find it absolutely hilarious.

If you don't know Michael Johnson,
well, it's still pretty fucking funny.

Check it out.

Click!

2010.

2010-01-01T22:35:00.002-05:00

I welcome you.

Please don't be as fucked up as '09.

I'm trying to settle down,
generally it's going pretty well for me.

My resolutions are manageable,
and include,

1) Try to be more organized.

I fail at this one already.
Maybe I'll get an agenda, they must be on sale by now.
But chances are, yeah, no.

2) Be more independent/self-sufficient.

I depend on other people too much.
Whether it's my parents, or my boyfriend, or my friends.
It's not healthy, and I need to spend more time with myself.
And y'know, provide for myself.

3) Learn to cook.

I need to learn to cook.
A skill that is undoubtedly vital to y'know, living.

4) Eat healthier/stop spending money on going out for food.

Goes hand in hand with learning how to cook.

5) Lose 10 pounds.

I feel gross sometimes.
And my pants are getting tight.
Stupid Christmas. And living across the street from McD's.

6) Take up yoga and meditation.

Exercise is much needed.
And I need to fucking relax.
My head gets far too clouded by stupid crap,
and sometimes I think it just needs to disappear for awhile -
hence the meditation.

7) Spend more time with my art work.

I got a drafting table to work at.
I plan on buying a tablet for my computer.
I have many ideas, that have been floating around,
I've just been so consumed in shit,
that I've done absolutely nothing.
I also want to put a lot more thought into my photographic process,
and spend all the time I can in the dark room.
I also want to learn how to use the lights in the studio better.

8) Quit my fucking job.

I hate it, and it gets worse and worse.
I want to quit and find a job that doesn't pay me minimum wage,
to work somewhere I hate.
Something actually within my field would be nice.

9) Try not to be so negative.

There is far too much crap in the world,
and if I keep complaining about all of it,
I'm going to drive myself insane.
Who cares, right?
Sometimes other things are just more important.

10) Quit smoking. Maybe..

Pedro wants to quit,
he won't if I don't.
And I know I should.
It's fucking up my sinuses,
and y'know, killing me slowly.

SO there you have it,
10 resolutions for 2010.
We'll see what happens.
I will probably update you on the status of them soon.

I just realized that sometimes my life plays like a movie.
Sometimes things happen, and it's just all so surreal,
and it's like, you don't even believe it's your life anymore.

There were police in my house last night.
They weren't there to talk to me or anything,
but still, what the fuck!
Fucking cops. They are such assholes.
I don't even know how they got INTO my house without a warrant.

But yeah, apparently this is my life.
I should write a memoir.
I'm 20, and have way too many stories.
I bet people would buy it.
They love hearing about how fucked up other people's lives are.
It makes them feel better about their boring ones.

Anyways, I'm going back to watching the Godfather with my dad.
It was way after Marlon Brando was good looking,
but a good movie.
Though if I hear the theme song again, I might scream.

fragment ideas, and too many pronouns

2009-12-28T15:00:00.002-05:00

I'm the colour grey,
blurring all the lines.
Faded from the brightest blue,
weathered and chewed,
like the asphalt forming highways,
that go on and on and on.

You're Belo Horizonte,
a place I've never known.
Your golden curls,
pierce like rays of light,
and I have to shield my eyes.
You're something I've never known,
until now, or before, or whenever it was.

Love and loathing,
filled with fear,
I'm the colour gray.
You are the Brazilian,
and I'm not sure what that means.

the middle.

2009-12-27T20:05:00.003-05:00

I'm trying so hard to be happy,
that I think I'm making myself miserable in the process.

I feel like a walking contradiction,
I'll say something one minute, and then negate it two minutes later.
I don't make sense, not even to myself,
let alone other people.

One moment I'm in love, the next I hate,
one moment I'm laughing, the next I'm in tears.

The ups are way up,
but the lows are so low.

I need to be somewhere in the middle -
and I need to be able to just coast.

december 26, 2009.

2009-12-26T21:38:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I'm really happy.
Really inspired.
Just really good.

Right now, is one of those times.

I think I'm going to read,
and drift off to places I've never been.
It's gonna be awesome.

i'm so tired.

2009-12-18T05:09:00.001-05:00

He just left hours ago,
and I miss him already.

I just want to go home.

And go to sleep for days and days.

I'm so tired,
and all that's in my future is work.

i want to create

2009-12-08T00:40:00.002-05:00

i'm so bored.

i want to make something.

i keep thinking of ideas for my next photo project.

i feel inspired.

sacred heart.

2009-11-23T01:57:00.002-05:00

My boyfriend would rather kill zombies,
than talk to me on the phone.

I wish I could be jealous,
but Left 4 Dead (1&2),
is a really good game.

And it's not even that I like the phone.
I'm just in Oakville,
and fuck, I'm bored.

And I just wanted a "goodnight, I love you."
But I got nothing of the sort.

And stupid essays suck.
And he never calls.
And I'm just not happy.
And I need a cigarette.

Fuck my life.

what am i

2009-11-18T17:04:00.001-05:00

even doing with my life?

mad for marc.

2009-11-08T03:08:00.002-05:00

I am in love with marc by marc.
Still.
I keep perusing the internets for things I like.

I'm going to go to Holt Renfrew next time I am at work.
Ugh. There will be so many nice things,
and I can't afford to shop at H&M,
never mind Holt Renfrew :(

Oh well.

I bid on a bag on e-Bay.
I kinda hope I don't win,
because the shipping is ridiculous.

Pretty sure it's the same idea as the tote I have now.
Except... it's got cute little heart shaped apples!!
:)

you're a bitch flower-child, a bitch.

2009-11-03T14:45:00.003-05:00

I got yelled at by some hippie at my boyfriend's kegger
over the weekend for being unsustainable.
I lost my plastic cup, and grabbed another one.
She was smoking a cigarette and threw it on the ground.

I hate stupid people.

If I really wanted to get picky,
I could also say her obnoxious singing/guitar playing at 1 AM,
on the front porch, made me want to punch her in the face,
AND was creating unnecessary noise pollution.

I hate a lot of things these days.

My boyfriend asked me what I don't hate yesterday,
the sad thing is, not very much.
The list just gets bigger and bigger.

Ignorant environmentalists are now on my list.
By all means, be a tree-hugger,
I'm all for sustaining the earth.
However, don't spew your bullshit at me,
and then toss a cigarette butt on the sidewalk.

You are not cool.
You are not an activist.
You are not saving the world.
You are an asshole.
Now fuck off.

That is all.

purple haze.

2009-10-10T17:18:00.001-04:00

My parents painted my room in their house this past week.
I came home for Thanksgiving this afternoon.
My room is purple.
It was supposed to be grey.

It is hideous,
and makes me furious.

I can even sit in here,
let alone sleep.

I am not pleased.

Like I needed another reason to hate Oakville.
Now my room isn't even mine anymore.

Fuck.

now they don't talk, and we don't go out

2009-10-01T12:29:00.004-04:00

I'm starting to feel,
like i forget what it's like to have friends.

I know that sounds really weird,
and I do have a few friends,
but you know that big group of acquaintances,
the people that you kind of hang out with,
that group gets smaller and smaller.

Maybe it makes sense that they disappear.

But I liked a lot of them.

It's hard to move on sometimes,
so I comment on their new hair cuts.

Fuck you Facebook.com

Also, another shitty thing,
I didn't get tickets to Brand New and Glassjaw,
and now it's sold out, and I'm sad.
SUCKS

exhaustion

2009-09-11T18:52:00.000-04:00

feels good sometimes.

I feel kind of accomplished.

you're wondering now.

2009-09-08T02:10:00.003-04:00

I start school on Wednesday.
I really want to focus on school,
and try really hard.
I want to start figuring out
exactly what it is I want to do with my life,
and start taking steps towards reaching that point.

I'm realizing more and more that I was never meant to stay in one place.
I feel like I need to be constantly doing something.
On the move.
All the time.
The weed helps with the restlessness.
I think that's maybe why I've been so content in my little corner of the world.
It's strange, I never really thought that I lived in the ghetto.
I kind of just accepted that all students live in kinda shitty areas,
but it's SO NOT TRUE.
And there's nothing wrong with the ghetto.
Woo, reppin' my Jane & Finch hood,
but, I can't picture myself staying there after I finish up at York.

I'm kind of scared for this year.
It's going to be different.

I've got Pedro around, and I'm still learning as I go with this relationship thing,
because well, let's face it, these past 8 months have definitely been my most serious relationship. And there's still a whole shitload of new stuff that will come up that I will have no clue how to deal with. Also, he graduates in April, and if we're still together, I really hope he won't have to leave because of the international student thing. I kinda like having him around a whole lot.

Then there's the whole fact that I have no clue what I"m going to do with my life, besides the fact that I don't want to sit at a boring desk job, or like, work a shitty retail job for the rest of my life.

The fact that I need to bring up my marks and really focus on what I'm doing.

The fact that I need to change my lifestyle, and the choices that I make, but I really don't want to. And I really don't want to quit smoking.

The fact that though my new place is absolutely killer, I have a feeling it's going to be chaos.

But despite all those things, I'm optimistic. Most of the classes that I'm in seem pretty interesting, and this year should be good I think.

Like, I said, I'm scared, but I'm also really excited to see what it brings.
I'm really excited to grow up a bit.
It's not just the independence,
I just feel like I need way more responsibility.

I want new clothes.
I need a hair cut.

It does not feel like school is starting.
I am so unprepared.
Though, I guess that's completely typical.

I've been listening to The Ergs on repeat for days.
They are just so fucking good.
So friggin jokes.
Hilariously amazing.

AND the Amy Winehouse Ska EP,
is wonderful.
The Specials, Toots & the Maytals, and Sam Cooke covers.
It's actually excellent.
Really, I swear.
Even if she is a little crazy,
girl can sing.
And has really big hair.

every romance language

2009-09-07T19:48:00.002-04:00

Why is it that I can't seem to tell
the only boy I've ever loved,
just exactly how much I love him?

Hindsight is 20/20.

2009-09-04T02:17:00.003-04:00

The Ergs might just be amazing.

Thanks to Pedro for the tip.

Goddamn, they are so silly and lame,
but so catchy, and incredibly hard to resist.

One day last week while on the bus,
I decided that life should be like a pop punk song,
because the cheesy parts are always the best.

My baby is in Boston.
I miss him.
He comes home Saturday.

I moved into my new place.
A townhouse, not to far from my old place of residence.
However, I have far less room mates,
and I actually spend time with them.
I also have way more space.
Our living room is going to be awesome.
Haha, purple, green and blue paint.
Groovy.

As per usual, I am leaving things til the last minute.
I still haven't unpacked.

School starts in less than a week.
Weird!

landlocked blues.

2009-08-24T02:13:00.002-04:00

I feel lazy, and boring.

I brushed my hair,
but look exactly the same.

I need to get out of this place.

Take me to the sea,
take me to the sea.

fairy tales.

2009-08-07T14:00:00.002-04:00

So I have a story to tell.
It's not an interesting tale,
but it's a story none the less.

One evening, not too long ago,
in a place not too far away,
a young girl and her significant other,
sat on a porch, staring into space.

After experimenting with all kinds of psychedelia,
the boy asked the girl,
"what do you care about?"

She became incredibly depressed after this evening,
because she could barely answer the question.

The story doesn't end there,
but the ending is unknown.
The two haven't spoken of the event since.

But it festers,
that evening creating a wedge between them;
the trip they never should have took.

ennui.

2009-08-07T10:19:00.002-04:00

I find myself in tears a lot lately.
I can either be ecstatic,
or completely and utterly, just, exhausted,
and drained, and so upset.

Maybe my parents were right.

But then, fuck, that creates a new world of problems.

So I sit around, full of ennui,
and listen to music from the '90's.

Sometimes I think I need someone to save me.

I don't even know what the hell I mean.
But boredom, mixed with Oakville,
is a really bad place to be for me.

jawbreaker.

2009-08-06T21:30:00.001-04:00

I know I've said it before,
but Jawbreaker is so fucking good.
Ugh, seriously.

Dear You on repeat for days.

love

2009-08-06T20:22:00.002-04:00

is amazing.
that is all.

I've realized a lot of things lately.
About life, the future, etc.

It feels good.

Got back from the Bahamas a couple of hours ago.
What an amazing place.
So beautiful.
A vacation that was much needed,
and greatly appreciated.

But I can't wait to see my babyyy

some updates, bahama bound

2009-08-02T02:23:00.002-04:00

It makes me really upset,
that another person has the ability to control the way I feel.
And most of the time,
I don't even think he knows it.

Sometimes I'm fucked up.

I'm going to the Bahamas in a few hours.
Finally, I'm getting out of this place,
for the first time in years.
I feel incredibly landlocked.
But, 4 days on the beach should do me well.

I want a smoke.
Hopefully I don't spend that much time
with the parental units in the Bahamas.
Honestly, I don't think I can go 5 days with no cigarettes.
I've done it before, but it's just not fun.
AND, I'm supposed to be relaxing and chillin' on my vacation,
and I'm just going to be bitchy and irritable.
Lame.

I haven't had sex in, well,
more days than I can remember.
And now I'm gone for a week,
and my boyfriend is gone for a week,
to a different place.
It sucks.
I swear, him sharing a room,
and my lack of a place at the moment,
are killing me,
and my sex life.
It sucks.
Thankfully, there's only a month 'til I have a place,
AND he gets to switch rooms with one of his roommates,
and gets the sweet room that is ginormous.

I tried acid the other day.
It was a mind-blowing experience.
Groovy.

CrunchPad Web Tablet

2009-07-09T09:25:00.003-04:00

So I heard about these awhile ago,
but I want a Crunch Pad Web Tablet. They look so goddamn cool. And my computer has turned into a giant heap of crappy plastic (damn you apple, and your inability to make anything last longer than 2 years), so to surf the web, this thing would be awesome.

GAH!

AND, it's going to be less than $300 dollars!
That's like, less than, I don't know, a lot of things.
It's just fucking cool, and I want one.

I'm not going to pretend to be tech savvy,
because I'm not.
But my friend Sean showed it to me,
and, umm, it rules.
Haha.

deja entendu.

2009-06-29T21:16:00.002-04:00

All he could say was fucking "ditto".

That's all he could fucking say to me.

I just want to cry.

Which I am.

I am so over this,
"trying to be a good girlfriend" shit.

What's the point?

What does he do for me?

I feel like I give, and I give, and I give,
and what do I get?

Not that I need anything,
but you know, sometimes, it would be nice.

My relationship is clearly not as perfect as I like to think it is.

e-mailz.

2009-06-29T18:28:00.002-04:00

So I sent my boyfriend a kind of explicit e-mail,
because we haven't seen each other in 2 weeks,
and he's in Europe, visiting his parents.

I thought it would be a nice gesture,
to let him know I was thinking about him,
and how much I miss us being together.

But, he didn't reply to the e-mail.

And now I'm scared he wasn't into it,
which kinda really sucks,
and now I feel awkward.

Lame.
Failz on my part I guess..

dry socket. doesn't that just sound gross?

2009-06-24T03:57:00.002-04:00

So after having my wisdom teeth removed last Friday,
I have been in extreme amounts of pain.
Taking pain killers (T3's), steadily, every 3-4 hours,
until, well 3 AM.

And now I believe I have what is referred to as "dry socket",
because when I don't take those pain killers,
I feel like my face is exploding.
Or something.

The pain like, goes all down my neck, and into my ear,
and it is awful, awful, awful.
And it REALLY sucks.

The oral surgeon LIED to me.
That dick.
Told me my surgery wouldn't be that bad.

But now I can't go back to work,
because I'm going to have to schedule an appointment to see him again.
He better be available at some point tomorrow.
And early.
Because I'm already running out of my second bottle of pain killers.

A person should not have to take T3's for 5 days!
Do you know how gross I feel?!
And they don't even really work that well.
Ugh.

I hate life.

ugh..

2009-06-22T22:36:00.003-04:00

I refuse to ever wait around for him,
ever again, even if I do love him.

It's friggin idiotic.

Fuck.
This REALLY sucks.

I hate that he's so far away.
I also HATE time zones.

Fuck that shit.

I didn't fail!!!!!!

2009-06-22T04:23:00.002-04:00

I didn't fail school!
I got a D+ in my Human Development class,
which was the one I thought I failed,
but I got 3 B+'s, and 2 B's!!

Happy as a clam,
because life is good again.

Well, as soon as my face stops hurting,
Pedro returns,
and I can make some kind of income.

plaid & doc's.

2009-06-21T22:28:00.002-04:00

Have I ever mentioned my intense love for plaid?

Maybe it's a new development,
but shit,
I love it.

It's so key.

I'm intending on hitting up Kensington,
and adding a whole bunch more to my wardrobe.

A have also fallen back in love with my Doc Marten's.

Haha, I love that I have had those since I was 13.

I miss Pedro way too much.
I didn't even know that it was possible.
Jeez, it's only been 3 days.

Maybe it's the fact that I know he's across the Atlantic Ocean,
and not like, a 30 minute drive from here...

Lame.
And it sucks.
Especially, because I didn't really get to talk to him today.
Which makes me miss him even more.

AND, my face hurts.
And swelled up more.
And the T3's are making me feel sick now,
because I am now on my second bottle.
Gross.

I want to be a hippie.

2009-06-19T08:43:00.002-04:00

I want to move to Europe,
and be a hippie.

With beads, and art, and flowing skirts,
and peace and free love.

I don't know.

I saw photos of a girl from high school,
and she's living the life,
while I'm stuck here, having to get my wisdom teeth out.

But at least I'm listening to some reggae,
and that's usually a good time.

But I want to be in Europe.
And I want to be a hippie.
Probably more than you do.

Wisdom.

2009-06-18T21:47:00.002-04:00

I lose all my wisdom at 9:45 tomorrow morning.
Fucked up, eh?
Nah, they're just pulling teeth from my head.

My baby leaves for Portugal tomorrow.
For two whole weeks.
I haven't been away from him for that long,
since we started dating almost 6 months ago.
CRAZY.

I miss him already,
and I saw him 2 hours ago :(

I'm the biggest nerd of all time.
Seriously.
But I'm in the throws of younglove,
what can I say?

So I'm listening to his music in my basement.
Damn it,
I wish I was drinking beerz and taking photos instead right now.

Gah,
I hate Oakville.
But more importantly,
I hate pain.
And the inevitable pain I will feel after 9:45 AM,
scares me to death.

Fuck,
I better get me some sweet ass drugs.
That's all I have to say.

grade what?

2009-06-17T10:09:00.003-04:00

I still haven't looked at my grades.
They were released like 2 weeks ago.
I'm terrified that I failed my NATS class.
Or that I got kicked out of honors.

Fuck you second year.
Fuck.

The worst part is,
I'm still in class.
WTF?

At least I'm getting 15 bucks an hour to be here..

art is hard.

2009-06-08T12:45:00.002-04:00

I really feel like I should establish who I am as an artist.

I think that's what this summer has to be about.

Finding my style.
Or a style to adopt in general.

Figuring out what it is that I'm trying to convey conceptually,
and actually being successful at it.

I can't sit around anymore.

I feel like I need to get involved.
Start going to galleries, and shows and openings.
Put together a decent body of work,
and actually have my own showing.

I want to get some experience too.
Be an assistant to a photographer.
Learn things from people.

If I'm not going to be working as much as I had planned,
well then at least, I should work on something else,
y'know?

If I ever plan on finding a job,
I'm going to need experience in my field of interest.

All these things make so much sense,
and I wonder why I didn't think of them earlier..

shot through the heart.

2009-05-15T07:35:00.002-04:00

All that I wanted for a better part of my life,
was to fall in love.

And now that I'm falling,
I've realized,
that nothing has ever had the power
to make me this miserable before.

Kinda funny though, eh?

This weekend was supposed to be fun,
but it's going to suck.
FML.

Blink.

2009-04-27T10:22:00.003-04:00

I'm in Oakville looking for something to do.

My dad left me his car.

I think I may just drive around and listen to bad pop punk.

And possibly hit up a Starbucks.

I hate this town.

But I kind of want to listen to Blink 182, haha.

Thursday.

2009-04-23T13:50:00.003-04:00

I have neglected to post.
I neglected my band/day project.
I fail at finishing anything I start.

I have a mid-term in 40 minutes.

Funny, how I'm writing my mid-term,
as the rest of academia has finished,
or can see their summer in the very near future.

Damn you York U.

Grabbing beers after my exam,
oh how typical.

who's next.

2009-04-14T13:57:00.003-04:00

Today is The Who.
As "Baba O'Riley",
is one of my favourite songs of all time,
I decided that I should actually give the band a good listen,
because I really haven't.
Or at least never listened to a whole album.

So today, "Who's Next",
by The Who.

I'm pretty excited.
Reports back after I've listened.

Well actually,
I will report back after I go to my painting class tonight.
We're painting from a nude this evening.
I'm kinda freaked out because I'm awful at life drawing,
and I can't imagine that painting from a model will be any easier.
Gah. I have to go buy paper and a canvas soon.

I'm also supposed to go to tutorial for a class,
that I did not attend this morning,
in favour of going out for breakfast with the bf.

the damage is done.

2009-04-14T02:32:00.004-04:00

I'm really happy I gave,
"I Can Hear the Heart Beating As One", a listen.
So good.

I fell in love with it almost immediately.
Reminds me of early spring evenings,
and late summer nights.
Of whispers, caresses, a cool breeze.
A cardigan.
A smile from your lover.

It makes me want to fall in love.
I'm probably interpreting it wrong,
but somehow, I can relate.

It makes me happy.

It's dreamy, and soothing,
and I feel like I could play the album on repeat,
for days and days.

I love the song "Damage".
Probably my favourite.

Download Damage - Yo La Tengo

Band / Day

2009-04-13T17:13:00.004-04:00

I'm starting a band per day initiative.
Bands I've always heard of,
or wanted to listen to,
but just never got around to it.
I'm going to try for at least a week.
Hopefully I can continue it.
I just need to fall in love with music again.
I've missed it way too much.
I don't even know what I've been doing,
but it can be done by listening to an album or two.

Yesterday was The Velvet Underground.

I played The Velvet Underground and Nico.

I liked Lou Reed.
I didn't like Nico.
In fact, I found her annoying.
Maybe I'll have to listen to another album.
I did hear (and post) the track,
Pale Blue Eyes as well
which I loved.

Today is Yo La Tengo.

I'll report back what I think once I give it a good listen.
I'm pretty excited about it actually.

i[need]tunes.

2009-04-12T23:00:00.004-04:00

I think I need to rediscover music.
Start going to shows again.
I miss that.

pale blue eyes

2009-04-12T21:38:00.003-04:00

I saw Adventureland tonight.
It made me like Kristen Stewart a whole lot more.
I don't know, I guess at the place in my life that I'm at,
I could identify with the characters?

It wasn't Superbad.
It wasn't even all that funny.
But I guess it was poignant?

It tugged at my heart strings,
we'll put it that way.
AND, it made me laugh a bunch of times.

And the soundtrack was phenomenal.

I've fallen in love with "Pale Blue Eyes",
by The Velvet Underground.

I have a feeling,
I may be listening to it all summer long.

I don't want to move home this summer.
I think this film really solidified my decision,
that it's time to leave.
I love my family.
I love my home.
But I can't live here,
and I love me more.

All in all,
the movie was a little long.
But I'd watch it again,
if only to hear the music again,
and watch them smoke a bunch of spliffs.

Download Pale Blue Eyes - The Velvet Underground

I hate you oakville. you don't even deserve a capital O.

2009-04-11T21:49:00.005-04:00

Because a capital letter,
would mean that this shit town actually validates,
being recognized, for something other than sucking.

I hate this town.
It is the most awful place,
ever.

That may be incredibly ignorant to say,
but you try fucking living in the suburbs.

It makes me want to tear out my eyes,
or something equally as grotesque.

don't trust a ho.

2009-04-10T20:33:00.003-04:00

This song is kind of hilarious.

3oh!3.
Don't Trust Me.

3oh!3 on MySpace

life, apparently.

2009-04-08T13:11:00.002-04:00

I've only just realized,
that my life has become way more complicated,
than it seems.

And the only thing I can think of to remedy the situation,
is to listen to mass amounts of NFG.

Ugh.
I have to talk to him,
but I'm so bad at confrontation.

pro-cras-tin-ate.

2009-03-29T23:26:00.002-04:00

I have so much shit to do.
Instead I'm watching South Park,
and looking up random people on imdb.

Oh, and talking on the phone.

I miss Pedro.
A little too much.

I just want to cuddle for way too long.

You're welcome.. internet!

2009-03-29T16:33:00.001-04:00

"They shined a light, and asked why his eyes were red,
we were busted, so that's when he bit off their heads,"

Hahahah.

Whitest Kids U Know.
Usually, I'm just weirded out by you,
but you're actually way too funny.

I saw this a couple of weeks ago,
and all my YouTube-ing today reminded me.

Watch it!

no smokes, no spliff.

2009-03-29T14:32:00.003-04:00

Originally, I was going to write about,
how I was going to stop smoking,
and stop smoking pot.

Then I found pictures/videos on YouTube of the girl from Twilight
(Kristen Stewart) blazing,
and I thought it was too funny.

And I erased the entire novel I had written.

Haha, ohhhh man.
I'd totally have a sesh with her.

And now I'm watching videos of Adam Brody.
Where did he even go?

I don't even make sense.
Hahah.

what a shitty saturday

2009-03-28T10:36:00.002-04:00

It's 10:36.
I've already fought with my mother,
I've already broke out into tears.
I only woke up at 9:55.

I was supposed to go home today,
now I'm not anymore, which means another day without food,
and I'm most definitely not going to have any money.

And the fact that I'm still in Toronto,
also means I'm going to be SO bored tonight.

WHY did Pedro have to go all the way across the city for the weekend?
Seriously.
It really sucks.
I've realized I really don't like sleeping alone.

The fact that I'm not going home,
and I'm going to be here,
is just like, emphasized by the fact that he's not here,
and so I'm by myself.

I don't know why,
but I feel like curling up in a corner,
and forgetting I exist today.

It's just going to suck.

Busy, but not really.

2009-03-26T14:00:00.002-04:00

Is it possible to be ridiculously busy,
and still find yourself with nothing to do?

Because if so,
I have begun to find myself in that very predicament.

Ridiculous, but true.

I can't even find the time to update.

My boyfriend is gone until Monday.
Even though I have a shitload of work to do,
I have a feeling that I just may,
have a little more time on my hands.

I was supposed to have read The Golden Compass,
for my class that is in half an hour.
Not only did I not read the book,
but I also failed to watch more than a half hour of the movie.
FAILZ.

Sometimes, I really have no idea,
why it is that I'm in school.

This Charming Man.

2009-03-20T19:27:00.002-04:00

Moz last night in Buffalo.
Amazing.
Best thing of life.
Bought a sick shirt.

Morrissey was quite seriously the most charming man,
ever.

The man even sweats hearts onto his shirts.

More on the show later,
an actual review perhaps?
I've got to hop in the shower now though.

I'll post a picture of the shirt too.
It basically rules.

I love life sometimes.

they want you, or they don't.

2009-03-18T16:01:00.002-04:00

I guess you can't have everything.
Can't have your cake and eat it too.
Etc., etc., etc.

But I seriously never thought,
that I would have to beg.

Happy St. Patty's from audio/video/disco!

2009-03-17T22:58:00.003-04:00

Happy St. Patty's from audio/video/disco.

We aren't Irish, but we're celebrating anyways.
We're down with any excuse to drink whiskey and beer.

And here's one of the Irish punk songs I know,
because I own a collection of Epitaph's Punk O' Rama CD's.

Haha, why aren't I Irish?
Then I could chill with Conan and Denis Leary..

bleach.

2009-03-16T09:34:00.004-04:00

I hate bleached blonde hair,
and most of the girls who go along with it.

Damn facebook.

I don't want to see you get drunk,
while wearing limited amounts of clothing.
So don't post that shit on the internet.

I had something witty to say,
but it's slipped my mind.

This place is a prison, these people aren't your friends.

2009-03-14T15:15:00.002-04:00

I'm in Oakville,
because my parents went on vacation,
and my sister is a little bitch,
who only thinks of herself,
and likes to inconvenience the rest of the world.
AND, my parents clearly like her better than me,
'cause they don't care how much it fucks up my life.

I hate this place.
And the sunny disposition I've had all day,
left the second I walked in my front door.

My parents aren't even here to yell at me,
and I already want to leave.

I hate this place,
and everything about it.

It might be home,
but it sucks balls.

Jesus christ,
I don't know how I'm expected to live here all summer.
I might die.
And that's not even exaggerating.

This place is quite literally a prison.

lack of inspiration

2009-03-10T13:34:00.003-04:00

I wrote a short story awhile ago,
but I'm too shy to post it.
I don't really know why,
maybe because it's not really a story,
and it's more the truth -
save for a couple of embellishments.

There was a time,
a couple months back,
when things were just too fucked up,
and one day, when I finally realized just how insane everything was,
I wrote this story.

This horribly tragic girl inspired me.
She was so beautiful, but in this terrifying way.
She was loud and thrashing like German industrial,
or Mindless Self Indulgence.
Or maybe she just reminded me of someone else.
She was all mushrooms and ketamine,
and it freaked me out.

So I wrote a story.
I actually think it's pretty good.

But I won't post it.

I just wish I felt inspired to write something else.

bonne fete.

2009-03-07T18:42:00.002-05:00

I turn 20 years old today.
It's so strange,
and yet I feel exactly the same.

Last night, my bf & his room mates had a kegger,
for their other room mate's birthday -
so that was fun.
Everyone sang happy birthday to me after midnight.

And I ate special brownies earlier in the day,
that my lovely friends concocted.

Tonight, I may go out.
I haven't decided if I've had enough of drinking yet.
I think I may have.
I kind of just want to see Watchmen.

The past year has been,
I guess the only way to describe it,
would be intense.
So much has happened,
I've changed so much.
I feel like as much as I've sat around and done nothing,
that I've somehow managed to grow.

I've gotten closer to recognizing the things in life that I want,
and the things that I know I don't want for myself.
I've gotten closer to figuring out,
exactly how I want to lead my life.

I think I've managed to become a little crazy,
but y'know what, it adds character.
And I'm settling down a bit.

I feel good about 20.

I'm pretty healthy.
I'm pretty happy.
I'm in a new relationship.

I am in my prime.
And I intend to make it last awhile.

Haha, I don't know why,
but I feel like I need to post this song.

Love it.

Yay! Happy birthday to me :)

Mellon collie days.

2009-03-03T17:47:00.002-05:00

I just listened to Mellon Collie & the Infinite Sadness,
for the first time in a really long time.
Along with some Pumpkins B-sides from the album,
that also rule a whole hell of a lot.

Thanks to boys with long hair in high school,
who made me fall in love with the album.

I feel like I'm 15,
which is funny,
because I'll be 20 in 4 days.

Fuck.
What am I doing with my life..

erykah

2009-03-03T13:37:00.005-05:00

Erykah Badu is probably,
the coolest woman, ever.
Serious.

Watch the video for Honey, it's pretty cool.
Don't mind the shit at the end, pretend it's not there.
I couldn't put up the one from the record label,
because embedding was disabled.

Butterflies.

2009-03-03T01:15:00.002-05:00

He makes my heart skip beats.
It kind of rules.

I'm trying to decide,
whether or not to drop a class.
Mostly because I don't want to write
the take-home exam that I have to do for the class.

I'm also trying to decide,
whether I should go downstairs
and watch the episode of Big Love I DVR'ed,
or read The Watchmen.

I'm also trying to decide,
if I should eat something.

I just remembered, that I left my medication,
for my inflamed wisdom tooth,
in the car,
so I guess Big Love and food it is,
as I'll have to go downstairs anyways.

But really,
he gives me butterflies,
and it's probably the greatest feeling,
in the world.

Montreal, might eat it's young.

2009-02-24T20:12:00.001-05:00

Went to Montreal for the weekend.
Such a good time.

Cheap booze, smoking in my room,
lots of fun substances,
and poutine at all hours.

Plus, weekend long sleepovers.

I have a boyfriend now.
It's been so long,
it feels weird to say.
But he makes me ridiculously happy.
Seriously.
You should probably see the smile on my face,
as I'm typing this.

I feel sick right now.
A mix of a cold,
and eating too many Starbursts as dinner.

i'm the queen of bull shitting

2009-02-16T15:59:00.003-05:00

So my essay took a lot less time than I thought it would.
My bull-shitting skills, never cease to amaze me.

I kind of made up an outline last night,
and now, I have like, 100 words left to write.
Actually, I have 96 words left to write.
Though, I don't know that I've really said anything at all.
I tend to have that problem with essays.
There's just so much bull-shit littered throughout it,
that I don't know if I've actually made any point at all.

But whatever.
Basically, I've got like 2 sentences left,
of my last body paragraph,
a conclusion left to write,
and then I'm done!

Then I have to study for a Science quiz?
Bahah, I might as well drop that class.
It's not like I ever go to it anyways.

the yellow wallpaper

2009-02-16T02:49:00.004-05:00

I have to write a 6 page American Literature paper,
by Wednesday.

I just got the assignment sheet.
I barely know what I have to write about.
I have to read some intense 27 page article.
And it's a good thing I read the short story I chose in high school,
because I never really pay attention.

I don't know, essentially, I need 4 pages of content,
'cause intro and conclusion are usually a page each anyways.
Maybe I can bullshit my way through it.
Yeahhhhhh, feminism in the late 19th century.

I have so much work to do.

It's not even that it's hard,
it's just that, there is so much.
And it sucks.
And it's all due at exactly the same time.

I forgot to pick up my negatives from Shopper's.
I really hope that it's open tomorrow,
(might not be because of the holiday?)
or I am REALLY screwed.

Sunday in Oakville.

2009-02-15T23:30:00.003-05:00

I want him to be my boyfriend.
I'm way too lame.
I even tried to be cool,
but I'm just no good at it.

Also, did you know,
that I have over 35 pairs of shoes?
Is that weird?

I'm in Oakville.
It's lame.
But at least I got to see Brienne Lim!

I saw He's Just Not That Into You last night.
It was funny.

I saw Confessions of a Shopaholic today.
It wasn't that good,
but she had nice clothes.

The weekend of cheesy chick flicks I suppose.
But whatever.
We all need a little lame in our lives.

Will you be my Valentine?

2009-02-14T23:30:00.003-05:00

Wait a second,
I already have one!

And he is nice to me,
and he means what he says,
and he's not an asshole.

He makes me happy.

I basically feel,
like the luckiest girl in the world.

Happy Valentine's Day.

I think it's the stupidest holiday ever,
but I'll celebrate it anyways.

Now I'm going to go listen to the Get Up Kids,
and other related bands that have songs with the word,
"valentine" in them. Or y'know, "love".

We'll see.

40 Oz. to Freedom.

2009-02-12T13:52:00.003-05:00

40 Oz to Freedom.
On repeat.
For 3 days.

How did it take me 2 decades,
to find this album?

I need to go buy film,
and take photos.
And go to the dark room.
But I can't seem to move from my bed.